Our Blessings

Sunday, May 30, 2010


Only 1 pink line.

It's ok. I took it pretty well, considering my usual reaction to disappointing news. Probably because I'm 99% sure I still ovulated, so at least my body did something right. And because medically, I should wait one more month anyway.

What's more disappointing is that today marks 10 months. So many mommies of fullterm stillborns have their rainbow around the same time they lost the first one the year before. And I'm not even gonna be PREGNANT by a year later!? Ugh. And don't tell me not to compare. Because if I was comparing in the opposite direction and saying "well, thank goodness I havent had 2 and 3 fullterm stillborns like some people" then I'd be told "see, good girl, always look at the positives and count your blessings." Hm. No. If I can't compare, then I can't compare positive or negative. But honestly, I can't help my feelings, no matter whether you tell me I "should" or not. I'm comparing.. and I want an easier time having my rainbow than I've had. I don't think that's too much to friggin ask. Then again, I didnt think my healthy firstborn daughter was too much to ask for either, but I was horribly mistaken. And my poor little Cherry girl didn't even stand a 2nd trimester chance :,(

Also disappointing that I have ZERO possibility of having a baby in 2010 unless I have a micropreemie, and no one would be dumb enough to wish for that (although it would rank in comparision to another one dying). I was supposed to have a baby mid-2009, and now I'm not having one until 2011, or later? What is that?!

No selling angry here, we're all stocked up.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

feeling sad for my little cherry when I realized I'd be 2nd trimester now :,(