rain for cherry

went to a craft fair the other morning after work. a pretty pink snowflake/snowman handmade quilt caught my eye.. thought it might be nice with our outside winter pregnancy photos in December.. also a scarf with the same pink snowman print.. after chatting with the sweet lady who made them, found out she lost a baby girl at the... end of her pregnancy over 20 yrs ago and pink sunsets make her cry :,) sweet, sweet coincidences.

I look to the outside right now as a downpour begins. I love the rain. the rain expects nothing from me, and are gloomy like me. sunny days I feel expected to go outside and enjoy them and comment on how nice the day is. I dont care for that. I prefer the pretty, calming, yet sometimes sad and angry rain.

my little cherry's due date is approaching and for whatever reason I had October 24th in my head as her delivery date. she was due Nov 20th, my mom's birthday. well, the doctor's had her written as Nov 21, but I changed it to the 20th to match my mom. so that would have made Oct 24th, 36 weeks and that is when I wanted to have her.

so yesterday, I couldnt help but think of my sweet second baby when I thought of the date. Oct 24, 2010.

it's so strange though, and I've said it a million times, I love my little birdie so much too, and she wouldnt exist if I had a baby yesterday. it's just a swirl of emotions that dont calculate. how could I not long for all 3 of my children?

so let it rain today for my little cherry baby, the baby I never got to know, but for the 3-4 weeks I was aware of her living existance, and wanted so badly.. the one and only ever you - you are loved.